


Something Rational

by PorcupineGirl



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Communication, Episode Tag, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-3.10, Year Three, even if it doesn't have episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 13:55:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8146547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorcupineGirl/pseuds/PorcupineGirl
Summary: Jack knows tonight was a turning point, but it's not over yet. He won't be able to relax until he's sure they're on the same page about this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> You know how sometimes episode tags just surprise you out of nowhere? I guess comic tags or whatever do, too. I'm sure we'll get two dozen versions of whatever conversation they have between 3.10 and 3.11, but here's mine.
> 
> I just... I know Ngozi likes to have things like this happen off-camera a lot, but I _need_ to see the expiration date comment get nullified for Bitty. I need to know that he knows that that was not intended to describe _their_ relationship.
> 
> Title from _Head Over Feet_ by Alanis Morissette.

“I’m serious, though,” Jack says as he pulls a dry t-shirt over his head. “We should tell a few of the others. Not the whole team, just a few people you spend the most time with.”

“Honey, I appreciate the thought, I really do, you have no idea. But your career _has_ to come first, you can’t take that kind of risk for me.”

Jack takes the offered sweat pants out of Bitty’s hand, but instead of putting them on, sits down next to him on the bed.

“It’s a calculated risk, Bits. A few people we trust isn’t the entire world.”

“Still—“

“And listen to me.” Jack takes Bitty’s face in one hand, leaning their foreheads together. “My career is very important to me. But that doesn’t mean that it’s my top priority every minute of every day. If this is going to last, between us—and you have no idea how much I want it to last, Bits—part of that is going to be figuring out what to prioritize and when. Today, I think that our relationship—and your mental health—needs to be a higher priority than making sure that the risk of me being outed is absolutely as close to zero as it can possibly be.”

“You say it like that’s such a small thing,” Bitty says. “But it’s not. It could end your career.”

“And making you go on like this could end our relationship,” Jack replies softly. “Someday you’ll reach a point where you can’t take it anymore, and dear god, Bitty, what happens then? Or what if it affects your grades or your hockey so much you have to leave Samwell?”

Bitty snorts and smiles. “I won’t get kicked out, okay? I promise. If for no other reason, I damn well don't want you blaming yourself for that. But if it really does get to be too much and we have to break up, wouldn’t you rather have that than get outed?”

Jack pulls back a little and searches Bitty’s face, wipes away the couple of tears that have appeared there. He feels like there’s something fundamentally broken here, a disconnect, and it happened when he wasn’t looking. He has no idea how he let things get to this point, and he’s worried that fixing the symptoms won’t work unless he finds the root cause.

“Is that really what you think?” he finally asks. “That if it came down to it, and I had no other options, I would rather leave you than be outed?”

“Well, of course,” Bitty says, as if it were so simple. “I don’t hold that against you, Jack. I knew what I was getting into here. I know you love me, but hockey has to come first. It’s your future we’re talking about here.”

“You don’t think you’re my future?” Jack hates how small his voice sounds. He hates the lump in his throat. He’s cried in front of Bittle before, but only about… well, hockey. So, okay, maybe Bitty’s not crazy for thinking the way he does. And maybe crying now wouldn’t be a bad thing.

While Jack is struggling with whether to let himself cry, Bitty just stares at him, floored.

“I—I mean,” Bitty finally stutters, “I guess—I don’t know. I wanna be, sure, but how far into the future are we talking? Because eventually… if you, y’know, play that out to its logical conclusion… I mean, I can keep this up for a while longer yet, but not my whole—my whole life or anything.”

“I know. I would never want you to. I haven’t really talked about it because I don’t have a timeline or anything, and it wouldn’t be soon, but… I thought you knew that, eventually, if we stay together, I’m not going to keep hiding. I mean, if nothing else, marriage licenses are public record, eh?”

He tries for a smile, but isn’t sure it quite works right, because he's not really joking, but he's sort of terrified Bitty will think he is and also sort of terrified Bitty will know he's not.

For a moment, Bitty just blinks at him, and Jack starts to feel that familiar awkwardness of having said the wrong thing.

Then all at once, Bitty is clinging to him again, and he realizes that Bitty is _sobbing_.

“Hey, hey, this is my new dry shirt, remember?” He asks gently. He cards his hand through Bitty’s hair—Jack may be confused, but he knows that he needs to soothe right now. “Why are you crying all over it? What did I say wrong?”

Bitty pulls back just a little, but keeps his forehead leaning against Jack’s shoulder, not quite willing to meet Jack’s eyes just yet.

“You don’t—“ He sniffles, draws in a shuddering breath. “You don’t think our relationship has an expiration date?”

That phrase pings something in the back of Jack’s brain, but he’s not sure what.

“No! No, of course not, why did you think—“ Suddenly it hits him, the last time he used that phrase. “Oh, god. Bits. Eric. Mon coeur, look at me, _please_.” Bitty looks up, his face red and tear-streaked, and Jack feels tears pressing at his own eyes again. “That’s something I said about 18-year-old me hooking up with my best friend. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize how that sounded to you, and I didn’t make it clear that it has nothing to do with you and me. You have to know that all of this—you, me, how I feel about you, our relationship—it’s something else entirely. I can’t predict the future, but I don’t want this to have an expiration date. And I don’t want to put it in jeopardy because you think you’re less important to me than hockey. Losing you—losing you terrifies me every bit as much as being outed does. More.”

By the end, a few tears have escaped, and Bitty reaches out to wipe them away even as his own face contorts to keep himself from crying more.

“You’re sure? You swear you’re not just sayin’ that stuff because you know it’s what I want to hear? Because I can handle the truth, Jack, even if the truth is that I’m second place in your life. I’ve _been_ handling it.”

“Well stop handling it, please. That’s not true, and it’s never been true, not from the moment I kissed you. Even before that, maybe." He grins a little, remembering—he doesn't think he's ever told Bitty this. "You know, staying close to you played a much bigger role in my choosing the Falconers than I could even admit to myself at the time.”

“Oh, stop it.” Bitty gives Jack’s shoulder a little shove, and he’s finally smiling. “You wanted to be close to all your friends.”

“I did. I’m glad that I’m close to Samwell and to Shitty. But I kept thinking about you specifically, over and over, and I thought well that’s ridiculous, Bittle’s no more important than anyone else. I couldn’t understand why the thought of never seeing you again hurt in such a different way than thinking about not seeing anyone else, I just knew that it _did_. Bits…” Jack leans forward and kisses him gently, hoping that he’s saying the right things this time, that he's making himself clear. “I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never been so deeply in love with anyone, and it felt so different from anything else that I was just… so confused. I’m really not very smart when it comes to emotions. But I’m smart enough to know that if there is even a chance that someday I’ll be lucky enough to spend the rest of my life with you, I won’t let anything get in the way of that.”

“You’ve gotta stop that.” Bitty’s crying again, but he’s also smiling as he wipes the tears away. “You can’t just _say_ things like that when I’m not prepared. I’m never gonna stop crying if you keep saying all these wonderful things I didn’t—“ He interrupts himself with a hiccup and a sniffle. “I didn’t think I could ever hear from you.”

“Do you understand now?” Jack asks, taking Bitty’s hands in his. They're warm and wet with tears. “This is a risk, yes. But it’s a small one, a calculated one, and I think it’s a necessary one. Because this whole time I’ve been putting us and you at risk by making you hide so much, and we need to balance the scales a little before they tip.”

Bitty nods. “Okay. I get it, I do. It still scares me, but you're right. I thought… I thought this was gonna have to destroy us eventually, so it would be stupid to take any kind of risk just to delay the inevitable, y'know? But, I mean… I didn't realize…" He leans his forehead on Jack again and sighs. "Sentences are hard. Let’s get a nap in and then we can figure out a plan at a more decent hour than five thirty AM. Maybe I’ll even stop crying.”

Jack doesn’t even bother with the sweat pants that are still in his lap. He drops them on the floor and crawls under the covers, pulling Bitty with him. He feels settled in a way that highlights the fact that he knew _something_ was off before, but never knew what, or really even realized that anything felt off at all. Knowing, without a doubt, that Bitty knows how he feels—it feels different than assuming he knew did. Having a plan (or, at least, a plan to make a plan) to do the hard work of balancing the needs of his career with the needs of their relationship feels good. It feels like they’re building something together, something that’s stronger than it was yesterday. Strong enough to stand up to whatever is thrown at them next.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr.](http://porcupine-girl.tumblr.com)


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